Why I Refuse to Flirt Anymore

Decline Situations You Don't Truly Want

It used to be my communication style of choice. Because everyone likes attention, right?

But now I’ve changed my communication style, especially when it comes to women.

There are several reasons for this change, and if I’m being honest, I can see why I’ve gotten myself into trouble in dating more clearly than ever.

Flirting is an act of seduction, whether one is being innocent or not. However, what I’ve learned in going to some singles events and engaging with women I have no interest in is that I won’t flirt with the women I have no interest in. 

I would unashamedly flirt with a woman I found attractive. Innocent flirting of course. Unless the flirting was returned.

But do you see the difference in what I said there? I will flirt with a woman I find attractive. Earlier, however, I said I will not flirt with women I have no “interest” in. 

If I found attractive. I’ll flirt.

If I have no interest. Strictly business.

If you’ve seen any of my other posts, you can put together that I have a hard time even approaching women I am INTERESTED in.

Ah, there’s the problem. And a subsequent pattern in behavior. The reason for all of my failed relationships is because I flirted with women that I had a mild interest in, for fun, and found myself in relationships I didn't want to be in, all because I never stopped flirting.

Even as I type this, the clarity I am receiving feels like a download. I’m getting chills thinking about this, because it’s quite life changing. To be honest, I can feel it in my stomach. I feel that I finally found a way past a huge stumbling block in my life with women.

A gentleman doesn't shamelessly flirt with numerous amounts of women for fun.

For someone who was honestly scared of true intimacy, I used to link getting attention to being liked, loved, or someone returning interest in me. Recently, I’ve spoken to women I have found attractive, but have stayed within my limits, understanding the long-term consequences of “reeling” a person in with flirting. 

It’s dangerous if you don’t have true interest. 

My last podcast I spoke on the five elements that are necessary when looking to start a serious relationship. Those elements are mutual capacity, availability, admiration, interest, and mutual desire for commitment. 

And my other material has been telling the compelling story of not engaging with women when you have underlying motives OTHER than dating them seriously, unless you choose to be open and honest about your motives. In other words, be a man about what you want. Even then, be extremely careful, because feelings ALWAYS develop when you spend time with someone.

Now that I understand that my real desire is to build a relationship properly for true strength, it’s irrational for me to approach women in any other way other than with serious intent. Why would I flirt with someone I don’t have admiration for? Why would I flirt with someone that doesn’t have the same capacity or availability as me? Why would I try to reel in someone who doesn’t have mutual interest or desire for commitment?

I find myself at a loss for words speaking to women now. I’ve been keeping it completely platonic, unable to find the right words now. It's been all business. Small talk is fine, but I find myself dodging attempts to drag out my flirtatious side. Anything that would have brought it out before I find myself resisting, and the conversation dies. In a way it makes me sad, but to be frank, I just don’t have the time or space anymore for women that I’m just not looking to marry. 

I’m done clogging up my capacity and availability with women that I’m not that into.

Even if they are beautiful, if the other elements just aren’t there the river of flirtation dries up. Fast.

I am a natural at flirting, and I honestly enjoy it. I enjoy the coyness of it. Now I find it utterly pointless.

More importantly, I’ll tell you what’s happening physiologically. The sexual energy is rising. I can feel it in my chest now. It used to be in my loins, and it was the only way I knew how to operate. I would speak in seduction, flash a smile, and typically get what I wanted.

It was so unfulfilling.

I find myself breathing deeply, naturally, as I rein myself in from engaging how I always engaged. It’s honestly fascinating. This has happened over time, and more recently, in the past few days the fortitude to carry on as a serious gentleman has been solidifying.

I now desire the soft touch of a woman who is for me. Who wants me in the five ways I described. And the energy I’m breathing upward is so powerful that I cannot explain it. I feel like my chest is going to explode. I no longer desire the physical or mental stimulation without the heart being strongly involved now. 

I don’t desire a flirtatious relationship anymore. I desire a true one.

I refuse to flirt with just anyone, nowadays. I’ve retired.

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