The Solitary & Productive Phase of the Gentleman

Life is work. But there's a silver lining.

You know, I've heard from many men over the years about how - and when - they met their wife, were finally able to be successful(whatever your definition of success may be, or really found themselves feeling better about life AFTER the solo period.

In a TikTok video I made I was stressing solitude, but at the time I didn’t know why.

For me, that period is now. I can feel it. It takes this extreme quiet to really understand some things about life.

I was talking to a coworker earlier in the day about how I understand more every day why I SHOULD NOT be in a relationship with a woman. I realize how I have used women to distract myself in the past. Distract myself from really putting my best foot forward in everything just because I should and for no other reason other than that. It is my responsibility and mine alone to succeed, ESPECIALLY if I want a woman in my life.

That’s why my relationships failed. When the responsibility of growing a relationship presented itself, every time I would cower and back out, realizing it was too serious of a thing, and not a thing that I wanted, at the time.

Now, in the midst of the biggest phone drought of my life - I mean I might as well get rid of the thing - I smirk, knowing how nice it will feel to be able to get into the right relationship at the right time with ZERO BAGGAGE. Besides, this phone thing is entirely another issue, but I finally feel my detachment to it growing higher daily.

It had never even registered to me before what that would feel like. That damn phone. All my attention and focus had gotten more consuming as time wore on after I bought my first smartphone. I became it and it became me. I lost my identity trying to make sure both lives matched. I only bought the smartphone because you could get all your social media apps on them

Now, with zero pull to my phone, I am identifying more with reality than I ever have.

I understand how quietly purpose whispers in your ear when you don’t have a plethora of distractions. I see the lessons I need to master in plain sight now.

And I know it would be a complete disservice to a woman if I were to engage with her before I have mastered those things. Because they are my core values, I must live that life now.

To be even more specific, I see the lessons more as questions that I need to answer.

"When are you going to put away for the future, if not today?"

"When are you going to get a passport and start booking trips, if not today?"

"When are you going to start the process to buy a house, build your credit as high as you can and really pay off everything you owe, as if you could today?"

"When are you going to fully clean your house, give 100% at work, study your arts and hobbies with passion, and engage with the world regularly and on purpose?"

"When are you going to do these things? If not today, then when?"

And the question of how long it will take is irrelevant. 

We men must invest ourselves wholly into our work so that when we do have a partner or family around, that we can give them the best of our other side. Work is work, it’s business, it’s not personal. We must take up our cause and live with our choice. That is all.

So, in a way, work can be a place to release our physical gifts. We must accept that we have to toil.

That is the reason our solitary phase also happens to be our most productive phase. It's the phase when we are stripped down to nothing, and that helps us rediscover life. I currently feel like a grown, responsible version of the kid I once was. I also now understand the work that must be done to truly change my life.

The solitary and PRODUCTIVE phase will propel a man towards greatness if he leans into it.

I used to run away from the burden of the responsibility of taking my life into my own hands.

I’m using this time to really focus on becoming a proper gentleman who handles his business and is someone that I love dearly. I've never truly loved myself before. To be honest I bash myself in my head most of the time. I've always spoken so down to myself.

I don’t love myself as well as I should sometimes. Now, because I am choosing to love myself, especially now, I am and will be doing better because of it.

Lastly, after isolation the appreciation that I will have for her will be something I look forward to. After this solitary period, we men will have learned how to cherish the woman.

And that’s the cherry on top.

Have a good week, stay proper.

#bonding #beabetterman #selfimprovement #relationshipadvice #gentlemanetiquette #etiquette #adviceformen