Gentlemen Act, They Don't Overthink

Overthinking Causes Stress Lines

9:27 AM 9/2/24

This is the hardest piece I’ve ever tried to put into words because it’s the result of a weeklong epiphany that’s been unraveling in my mind. I tried to describe it on the podcast here.

It started last week, maybe a Tuesday evening after work, when I watched Shannon Sharpe’s podcast episode with John Cena on Club Shay Shay. During his interview and the subsequent retelling of his life, I noticed some glaring similarities, and there weren’t just a few. It was almost his entire story.

His playing football at a D3 college, his apparent lack of REAL ability, his foray into bodybuilding only to find it was just another hobby, from being a chauffeur to figuring out he just wanted to work to fund his hobbies which he all thought would be the next big thing. I lived my life that way. Even his point about why he hasn’t had children yet was the exact same reason as my own.

The difference between John Cena and I was that when we both moved to California, he was willing to sleep in his car to avoid coming home, and I tucked tail and came home, to some place cheaper, where it was safe, where I wouldn’t be alone. 

And yet here I am, not necessarily alone, but definitely alone. No wife, no girlfriend, no kids, no pets. 

Why is this important? Because in the adolescent through teen through young man period in a man’s life we are surrounded by those people who have watched and seen those achievements we hopefully were out accomplishing in our early years. But during this period everyone is also pursuing their own relationships, their own lives. And so we all grow apart. Men during this period find themselves in a state of low achievement, having spent the last decade working, not achieving. 

John Cena slept in his car in the gym parking lot, woke up, showered at the gym, worked, then worked at the supplement store where he got his discount. As he attempted to become a state patrol officer, he was invited by a friend to wrestle on the weekends, for fun, as his next hobby. 

The rest is history.

The point is that by playing it safe you will NEVER be open to the endless possibilities and doors that could open for you by just putting yourself in a position to be available. By playing safe we close ourselves off to possibilities and luck. By being available we open ourselves up to “pain,” but the rule is that you get as much joy out of life as you do the amount of pain you are willing to accept.

And due to my childhood, I had long since closed myself off to real pain. All the pain that I have felt has been in my head, in my active “resistance” of the pain. 

That showed me something else.

That for 40 years I have “lived” life. Inside my head. It’s like I’ve been piloting my body in a dream state for forty years. I realized I wasn’t REALLY interacting with anyone, even if I thought I was, I was playing a role, a character, in this movie I was running in my head. I thought I was being authentic, but I understand now what authenticity is. Well, at least what it would mean to live more authentically than I ever have.

To truly leave no regrets, one must really value his time. You must value your energy, your body, your capabilities, and strive only to master the moment. One has to be grounded in reality and not in their thoughts. 

Overthinking is not for a proper gentleman. A proper gentleman acts according to his values, and his values call him to action.